Builder of a Better Tomorrow

Why Ignorance is Overated

2008-10-09T15:01:42Z

While I was up in SLO county last weekend, my Dad introduced me to his new digital obsession: Warhammer Online. He's a big WoW player but is slowing down while he's waiting for the new expansion, so he got this new game and asked me to build a character on his account so I could try it out.

Now I only played WoW for a couple of months one or two years ago, but this game is a lot of fun and I want to get an account of my own so I can my Dad and I can adventure together. Kinda keeps me close to all the people I don't get to see much anymore.

So I go to Frye's yesterday afternoon and get the DVD-ROM drive I needed, plus a copy of the game. after unscrewing about a dozen fasteners, I eventually get the new drive installed, and it works fine. Then I install the Warhammer game. This also goes just fine.

When I try to run it, however, the screen tells me my video card doesn't meet the minimum requirements and promptly shuts the game down. This was unexpected, as my father had actually replaced his system (the one I'm using now) with one with a better video card so he could play WoW more smoothly. It worked pretty well before, he just wanted it perfect. Based on the Warhammer gameplay I saw last weekend, I am surprised that it has higher graphical requirements than WoW does.

Of course, I could have avoided all this if I actually knew what kind of video card I had before I bought the game. Knowing is always better.

Anyway, I'm in the market for the a 128 MB video card with Pixel Shader 2.0 support. The card I have is in the Radion Series, but I'm at work and don't know the series number. I'll post once I get home this afternoon.

Back in SoCal

2008-10-08T14:46:21Z

Got back into town yesterday afternoon following a so-so company meeting and a remarkably stress free drive back down to Long Beach. Had a great weekend, involving a mad whirlwind of Rock Band 2, Panda Express, 1st Ed AD&D, Heroes, and all-around good times with my friends and family. Sometimes I think being able to pop up north every now and again is all that keeps me sane during my exile.

Also, I picked up my copy of the new Space Marine codex for WH40k on the way back. Very cool.

Next on the agenda: buying a new CD-ROM/DVD drive for my desktop. The one I have crapped out on me. Anybody know where I can get a decent one for not an enormous amount of money?

I'm an emotional guy, and that's OK

2008-09-18T15:34:32Z

When the subject of movies comes up, one of my stock phrases is, "I can't watch romantic comedies". This has nothing to do with me not liking them and everything to do with how I tend to react to love stories.

You see, ultimately I'm a romantic. When I watch a [well-written] film or TV show about a guy and a girl making it work through all the contrived fictional obstacles, I actually get that emotional WHAM! the writer was presumably going for. The problem I've always had is that a good love story tends to throw my romantically-challenged existence in sharp contrast, which can be depressing if I'm in the wrong frame of mind. Even so, sometimes I can't help it. I carve that emotional release, the catharsis that's the hallmark of great fiction. I've never had any problem wearing my heart on my sleeve.

It's not just love stories either. Years ago, rake_blackguard and I went to the Fremont in downtown SLO to see "Big Fish", a story about boundless imagination and the father-son relationship. The father character reminded me so much of my own Dad that by the end, I was emotionally exhausted.

If the stories I hope to write are half as emotionally engaging as that, I'll consider myself extremely lucky.

Recent Thoughts

2007-06-18T23:22:02Z

Yesterday I made my Dad very happy. I took him out to lunch at the Sea Pines restaurant in Osos, where we had a passable (if somewhat belated) meal. I then presented his gift, a strategy guide for the recent "World of Warcraft" expansion. Oddly enough, he plays and I don't. In some ways, he's a bigger geek than I am.

Anyway, we had a great time. Later that evening, I popped over to an old-school 1st Ed AD&D game in Santa Maria with my band of cantankerous old gamers. Characters were exploded and much fun was had.

I'm absolutely loving this "no nights" schedule I've achieved. Now I have no excuse at all to sit in my room and watch DVDs every day. I'm gonna have to go out and experience the outside world. In a similar vein, I'm looking to move out of Osos for good. Trying to find a place in SLO or the 5-cities area. I have a possible line on a great place downtown, but it's still up in the air, and I'd like a couple of options. If anyone knows about a studio or 1-bedroom available for rent, please let me know.

Minor Update

2006-08-26T14:41:03Z

So I've been evicted from my apartment in Shell Beach. By my roomate. Who name is the only one of the lease. The details aren't really important, although I can say that while I'm not all that bummed out by having to leave (I haven't been getting along with my roomate for some time), I am extremely irritated by the way she went about kicking me out. I'm working through it.

If any of you guys know about a place for rent, or are interested in getting out of your current situation and renting a two-bedroom with me, please let me know.

To everything going to Burning Man, have a great time.

This Old Post Episode I

2006-06-20T03:54:18Z

Welcome to a new and irregular feature of my LJ. While I've been at work today (not working cause, like, that would never happen), I found myself going over my old posts under my original name, Caffinicus. I'm going to look at each post and try to analyze what I was thinking at the time, and how much (or how little) I've changed since then. Don't worry folks, I only posted ten times on my original account, and most of them weren't very long.

We're starting off with my very first LJ post:

Builder of a Better Tomorrow (caffinicus) wrote,
@ 2003-07-04 20:18:00

Finally updating...
Ok, so here I am. I got this account almost a week ago and I'm only now updating. Believe it or not, even though I just moved into disillusionment, I'm not much of a computer person. At some point I just decided that my money would be better spent in other areas; games, books and the like. I don't have any problem with computers (of course), I just don't consider them a major part of my life.

So glad to be in the new house. The old place was too expensive, and seriously lacking in camaraderie amongst my fellow co-habitants. I guess that's the difference between housemates and friends. Because of this, even though Josh is a great guy and I'm sorry about what happened to him at work (Josh and I used to work together before he got the axe), I can't be sorry he left the house so that I can take his place.

Speaking of work, I had my annual evaluation a couple days ago. I was really worried about it. I'm not planning to keep the job that much longer, but I'd like to avoid being fired until I can safely quit. I made some pretty fucking big mistakes over there, and I was concerned they would hold it against me. As it turned out, they were pretty happy with my performance and even gave me a raise. I almost wish I wasn't planning to leave. Almost.

I'll check in again later once I figure out how all Livejournal stuff works.

Comments:

phogg
2003-07-08 04:58 pm (local) (link)
Hey... is this really Caffinicus? The one I ran into in SLO with Danielle a couple weeks ago?
If so, welcome!
If not... ummm... you just hallucinated those last thirty words.

good for you
sea_nymph
2003-07-16 06:41 am (local) (link)
Good for you. I'm glad i'm not the only new one trying to find my way around! That's cool about the raise and all. That's always a welcome suprise.

Well, that was a long time ago. Right after I moved into Disillusionment's house in SLO. Looking back, it was definitely one of the better places I've called home. I had good friends living with me, and thus never had to look far to find someone to hang out with. Janusdoa moved in not long after this, and didn't move on to Los Osos until just a couple weeks ago.

The job I had at the time, the call center of many names in SLO, was also one of the best jobs I ever had. It was the first (and thus far last) job where I had any real authority. This authority came with a great deal of responsibility as well, which really kept me on my toes. Obviously, at the time of the above post I was not so thrilled with it. Probably because I have a hard time holding my feelings inside, and the muttered comments and angry that were (and unfortunately are) my stock in trade do not serve me well in the workplace. This is a problem I've largely gotten a handle on, but sometimes it still plagues me.

One truly positive aspect of looking back like this is it helps me to see that, even when I'm feeling truly awful about myself and about my life, there are people who care about me. If that's true, it can't possibly be as bad as I sometimes think.

Tune in soon for the next episode of: This Old Post

as promised...

2006-06-19T00:40:14Z

Respond to this post and...
1. I’ll respond with something random about you.
2. I’ll challenge you to try something
3. I’ll pick a color that I associate with you.
4. I’ll tell you something I like about you, and something I dislike about you.
5. I’ll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I’ll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I’ll ask you something I’ve always wanted to ask you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on yours for you to do for others.

Semi-weekly Sunday Update

2006-06-18T23:18:27Z

Meanbuddha had a good idea in so far as writing his update, so I'm stealing his format.

WORK: The world of overpriced air transport continues to bore me. I'm currently closing in on the end of my latest night week, so at least I have three days off to look forward to. I usually spend my time either alone bored out my mind (having finished the Internet about 90 minutes into my shift) or crazy busy trying to do two (or more) people's jobs at once. The one ray of light is that one of my coworkers is probably moving on shortly, which allows the opportunity to snag her superior position and schedule. On the downside, the person in question is also one of the few people in my office I actually like talking to. She burning out pretty quick though, and it'll be better for her to move on.

SCHOOL: OK, I don't actually go to school, and haven't since December of 2000, but I've been thinking about it more and more. I was originally pleased to see that Cal Poly was finally offering a Masters program in History (my BA), but lately I've been thinking it would be better to continue my education as far from my hometown as possible. It's another point in favor of the Amazing Kansas Idea (more on that below).

SOCIAL: My recent efforts to improve/create a social life have not gone well. Match.com has not yielded any response to my various winks and e-mails. My one actual date sputtered, and I've had extremely bad timing in regards to getting together with my friends. BigRob is back in town, which will give me someone to hang with, but I'm frustrated by how difficult it's been being social otherwise. Granted, I was laboring under a mistaken impression that I would be able to meet people at the health club I recently joined. However, it turns out that most people are far more interested in turning on their MP3 players and sweating to the tunes solo than in interacting with their fello fitness buffs. When I do go out, I find myself surrounded by packs of 20-year-olds doing their "care-free college people only" dance. Maybe I'm just going to the wrong places.

Nonetheless, I'm determined to keep trying, and not let myself get depressed about it. Depression just makes me less approachable.

OTHER: My sister lives in Kansas with her husband and two daughters. The housing market in Kansas is extremely cheap. I was having lunch with my parents today in honor of Father's Day, and my mom mentioned that they were thinking of buying a small house in Leavenworth (near the military base) for 30K, fixing it up and selling it down the road. In the interim, I could live in it virtually rent-free. The cost of living out there is quite a bit lower, and it would allow me a fresh start where I don't have to work past my reputation as a wallflower. Also, I would practically give my right arm if I could live without roomates. On the other hand, I don't really want to live in Kansas. The weather there is extreme, I have no idea where I would find a job, and I would very much miss my friends. I'm still thinking about it.

That's all for now. Sorry for the length of this post. I'll try to post in the future with greater frequency and brevity.

A Day of Peaks and Valleys

2006-06-09T03:17:05Z

Today was my Monday, so I decided to start the week off right by forgetting to set my alarm clock. Fortunately, my internal clock must finally be working cause I woke up just fine. Then I got this strange sidewises promotion. I have added Aircraft Safety Inspector to my list of titles. The idea that they put me in charge of safety scares me just a little bit. But, the way I see it, the more responsibility I take on, the closer I get to escaping my horrid schedule and rejoining the land of Monday-thru-Friday. Can't complain about that.

However, I can complain about tonight's dinner plans with Janusdoa. We were supposed to go to Margie's in SLO, but it appears to have been replaced by something called "The Starlet Cafe". I waited at the former site of Margie's for half an hour before I gave it a rest. Makes me wish the man had a cell phone.

I'm sure he had an explanation. And it's not really a big deal in any case. Maybe I just need to be less sensitive. I think twenty or thirty people have told me that over the years.

Figuring stuff out

2006-06-07T06:03:02Z

So tonight I went to see "The Break-up" tonight in a vain attempt to have some fun on my "weekend" (mon-tue-wed) and I came to two realizations. Number one: this movie is not funny. It's actually about a break-up. Number two: a large part of the blame for last night's date can be laid on my shoulders. See, a first date is like an interview. You're trying to impress the other person by showing the qualities you hope they're looking for in a potential mate. There are many ways to do this, but fundamentally you need to either a) calculate everything you say and do and observe your date closely for reactions, or b) develop the skill or possess the natural ability for improvisation (wittiness, an easy-going nature, etc.). Sadly, I did neither and as a result ended up tripping all over myself trying to find a conversation topic that we both might be interested in.

Don't get me wrong. The woman was not right for me in any case. We had next to nothing in common, she couldn't even convincingly fake interest in what I enjoy, let alone what I do for a living (though to be fair, I don't have much interest in what I do for a living either), and altogether I feel we were just too different to have a decent go of it. Even so, the fact that I couldn't even manage charming (or smooth for that matter) depresses me a little bit. I don't go on that many dates. I really can't afford to screw them up.

I apologize for the "glass half-empty" post above, but I'm just not in a happy place right now. It's been a crappy weekend. All my friends are either working, studying, out of town, or attached at the hip. It was either put my thoughts out here or let them poison me. I chose what seems to be the healthier course.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Every day's another chance to turn it all around.

Strike one

2006-06-06T05:49:44Z

Well, I've just returned from my date. I have to admit I don't feel very confident about. Probably because we didn't seem to have any chemistry. She wouldn't let me pay for dinner, she just moved from NYC and is not comfortable with the Central Coast, and she gave me the "I'll think about it" line when I asked her if I could see her again. Not good signs. I got her phone number, so I'll give her a courtesy call tomorrow, but I'm not holding out much hope.

Oh well. Bad dates are part of the game. I'm still confident that things will work out for me eventually. And I'm not down about the whole internet dating thing either. It's just a tool, and since I don't get out much I need all the help I can get. Unfortunately, my friends don't seem to know any singles.

Pretty girl though. No trouble on that score. Hopefully I'll be able to make a better connection next time.

For tonight, I'll just have to content myself with old episodes of "Angel" on DVD. The one I'm watching now is about an eviscerating demon that preys on lonely people. Like regular human beings aren't difficult enough.

How cool is this?

2006-06-05T02:08:59Z

After all this time, it has finally arrived:

Available June 27. BigRob will be so pleased.

Sunday, Sunday

2006-06-04T19:26:53Z

Inexplicably, today is my Friday. One boring evening to go and then, three glorious days off. Plus, I've managed to wrangle a date for tomorrow night. Can't complain about that. Later this week, I'm going to see about getting my 40K on, and see if I can reverse my illustrious losing streak.

Wish me luck (on both fronts).

filling time...

2006-06-04T01:48:02Z

I didn't mention this earlier, but my former handle was Caffinicus (in case any of you are wondering who this guy is).

So I've been exerting a lot of effort lately looking for ways to fill my ample but oddly-placed free hours. I have a lot of time in the middle of the day with nothing to do, as I work mornings or evenings. To that end I have started a number of projects. I joined Kennedy, and work out six days a week (for Sunday is the day of rest). I signed up for this internet dating service, Match.com, at the suggestion of BigRob. I have a date this week, so I guess it must be working.

And yet, I still find myself bored. I can't spend as much time with my friends as I'd like, owing to my wacky schedule. I'm hoping that getting more into the dating scene will eat up some time (and most likely my money). Bottom line: I'm trying to find things to do that will improve my situation as well as my confidence. I love to hear some suggestions.

By the way, I have this sick urge to go see "The Breakup" with Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn. It just looks funny.

I'm Back!

2006-06-03T23:22:06Z

Forgive me Livejournal for I have sinned. It's been about four years since my last confession. I'm creating a new account, since my last one was tied to disillusionment prior to its collapse and I forgot my password long ago. It's good to be back in the game. Hopefully, I'll even post every once in a while.

Work has been boring, but good. Flip-flopping back and forth every week between days and nights is tough, but I can always find ways to occupy myself. By the way (for any of you who don't know) I arrange private charter flights for the "too much money" crowd (heads of state, celebrities, captains of industry, whatever). Basically I make a lot of phone calls. Last night I called Germany and India.

I'm looking forward to catching with everyone. For now, just wanted to say hi.

Micah